Jokes That All the Foodies Can Relate

• A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

• You’ve got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

• An Italian mother says, "If you don’t eat all the food on this plate, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat all the food on this plate, I’ll kill myself.”

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

• A disciple went to his master and said, “I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end.” His master said, “Here, have some chewing gum.”

• I went to a hot dog stand with my pet snake. I said,“ May I please have a hot dog for my snake?” The waitress replied, “I’m sorry, but we’re all out of buns.” I said, “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun!”

• A guy is going on an ocean cruise and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, “Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.” The guy replies, “Will that keep me from getting sick, Doc?” The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look really pretty in the water.”

• A crab walks into a bar and asks for something to drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we do not serve food.”

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