Best Tim Allen Jokes You Would Love to Read

Tim Allen of the “Home Improvement” has become a household name when it comes to stand-up comedy. His ability of mixing the verbal comedy with hilarious physical act makes him standout among other comedians of his time. Tim Allen had to face a lot of difficulties while pursuing his career as a comedian. Below are some of the funniest Tim Allen jokes from his extremely popular standup comedy acts.

1. Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
2. Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words “large” or “size” with “rear end.” Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
3. I got myself a snack of low-sodium, low-fat Triscuits. If they were lower in anything else the box would be empty.
4. I have a car stereo that will leave messages. It’s got a manual two inches thick. The manual that came with my wife is smaller.
5. Scientists have estimated that every person on earth has some atoms in their body from every other person who ever existed. Yikes. This means I have atoms in my body from Buddha, Jesus, Lincoln, Geronimo, and Hitler, Attila the Hun, Lassie, and Marilyn Monroe. At least now I understand my mood swings.
6. My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in — six kids, five of them boys — and that’s heroic.
7. Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.