Best of Rowan Atkinson’s Quotes

Rowan Sebastian Atkinson is an English actor, stand-up comedian, and screenwriter who was born on 6th of January 1955. He is best known for his work as Mr. Bean in the hit sitcom by the same name. His other famous character is Blackadder. Atkinson started his career with stand-up comedy and first caught the eye of audience in the sketch comedy show Not the Nine O'Clock News (1979–82), and via his participation in The Secret Policeman’s Balls from 1979. His other work includes the sitcom The Thin Blue Line (1995–96).
He has been listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest actors in British comedy and amongst the top 50 comedians ever, in a 2005 poll of fellow comedians. He also achieved critical and commercial success for his roles in films Mr.
Bean’s Holiday and in Johnny English (2003) and its sequel Johnny English Reborn (2011).
Here are the funniest quotes by this amazing actor and stand-up comedian:
1. Your services might be as useful as a barber’s shop on the steps of a guillotine.

2. I’m as poor as a church mouse, that’s just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.

3. I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there’s a gas bill tied to it. [On Charlie Chaplin]

4. Your head is as empty as a hermit’s address book.

5. As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself ‘the last thing you must do is forget your speech.’ And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.

6. You’re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

7. Quite a nasty piece of work. Not the sort of person you’d want to have dinner with.

8. We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

9. [To a whore] Blackadder: Look, if I’d wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I’d have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

10. I’ve no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes’ work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on…

11. A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening ear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

12. I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

13. Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

14. [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.

*15. Oh, something’s *always wrong, Balders… the fact that I’m not a millionaire aristocrat, with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino, is a constant niggle.

16. I will suffice to say, ‘sod off and if we ever meet again it will be one billion years too soon’

17. [welcoming people to Hell] The French, are you here? If you’d just like to come down here with the Germans, I’m sure you’ll have plenty to talk about.

18. The Devil: Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits.

19. The Devil: And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah yes, I’m sorry. I’m afraid the Jews were right.
20. The Devil: Okay, are there any questions? Yes? No, I’m afraid we don’t have any toilets. If had read your bible, you might have seen it was damnation WITHOUT relief.