9 Times Chris Rock Proved Who is the Boss
A bunch of girls say, “You don’t need no man to help you raise no child” … shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don’t mean it’s to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don’t make it a good fucking idea!
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it’s natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it’s natural causes. ‘Cause if you was younger, you’d have got out the way!
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?
Nobody’s about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It’s sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They’re the boss. That house you can’t afford, that car that’s out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account - that’s your boss.
All you crazy white people “I’m American!”, all you did was come out of your mother’s pussy on American soil. That’s it. That’s it! What, you think you’re better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?
People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, “red meat will kill you”? Don’t eat no red meat? No, don’t eat no green meat. If you lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it
Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say, “Fuck you! Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans … fuck everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let’s go out there and try to make this bitch happy.”
I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.
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